|
Every Day is Precious: It's normal to look, but don't forget to smile
Opinion by ROB PAYNE
For Williamson A.M.
Our son Matt celebrated his 15th birthday a couple of months ago. For several weeks prior, Marcy had said she wanted to do something special for the day. The Saturday before his birthday she said she wanted to go to the Chinese buffet Matt had been talking about. With Marcy being quadriplegic and on a ventilator, we don't just hop in the car and go places anymore. But if you've been around a soon-to-be 15-year-old, you know that there are few things more appealing than an unlimited quantity of a wide variety of foods. Thankfully, it's still a little too early for girls. Or at least it's too early to tell your parents about you and girls. We made it to the Chinese buffet for his birthday. Marcy did much better than she had the few outings before. It helped that there was no time pressure in getting ready to go by definition, there is no set time you have to be at a buffet. The transition to the wheelchair was smooth and easy, and she only needed suctioning once the entire outing. I couldn't remember the last time all of us had been out to eat together. While we were in the restaurant we drew quite a bit of attention. I have to admit we are quite a sight. It is startling to see a young, beautiful woman in Marcy's condition. We are a normal family except that one of us is sitting while the rest of us walk. And what Marcy sits in is not a wheelchair you see every day. It is common enough today to see a power wheelchair or electric scooter. But this one has a ''tilt in space'' feature that allows it to recline so far that Marcy can be positioned so her back is almost parallel to the ground. This allows us to let gravity apply its pressure to varying parts of her body when she is in the chair. Most of the time Marcy is most comfortable in a reclining position. It looks like she is about to blast off in a space capsule. And there are tubes and hoses going from little machines and containers that lead to several orifices natural and manmade. I remembered what it was like to go out but had almost forgotten the stares we get. The stares are understandable, they are normal everyone does it. But it seems most people think it polite to stop staring when they see the person in the wheelchair catch their stare. As the person behind the chair and a couple of feet higher, I see the stare minutes before they see me. So even if Marcy doesn't see them staring, I do. I don't think it is impolite to stare, but it seems impolite to me when people look away quickly and pretend they never looked. Next time you see someone in a wheelchair, instead of looking away, disinterested or embarrassed, try looking into their eyes and smiling. Not a joyful, ''happy you are in this condition'' smile, but a comforting, caring smile. Acknowledge that you know they saw you looking. And speaking would be nice. Try to say something to the wheelchair rider that you might say to anyone else. Compliment their shoes, clothes, or hair style. If you know a family or see a stranger in need, ask God to give you words and actions to treat them like another person. Your abnormal reaction can make them feel normal.
Every Day Is Precious is a column to remind us to treat everyone we see today as if it could be the last time we see them. It is written by Rob Payne, whose wife, Marcy, was diagnosed with ALS (Lou Gehrig's disease) in August of 2000. Now 41 years old, she has gone from winning 5 and 10K races to being quadriplegic and on a ventilator at home. For a collection of these columns in book form, more ways to help others or more about Marcy, or to receive e-mail updates on her condition, visit www.EveryDayIsPrecious.com. Readers may contribute to her care by sending donations to Every Day Is Precious, 2051 Harvington Drive, Franklin TN 37069.
| 
