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Ways to Help in Helpless Situations

By Rob Payne

(Call Out) What You Can Do

Clothe the Naked.

A Covering That Uncovers

With all due respect to Susan B. Anthony and Gloria Steinem, men are different from women.

Since I left my job to care for Marcy, if you come to our house, you're most likely to find me dressed very casually. I may have actually re-defined the term "very casual." I'm usually wearing sweats left over from a photo shoot Marcy worked on 12 years ago, eight year old irregular T shirts from Happy Tales – the animal shelter Marcy started, and/or jeans left over from a truck stop photo shoot 7 years ago.

I know Marcy thinks differently about dress - she gives me one of her precious smiles if I wear something different. And female neighbors have noticed when I've worn something other than a Happy Tales T shirt.

I was once greeted, "You're not wearing your uniform today, are you going somewhere?"

I'm guessing that should bother me? I've heard the first step in solving a problem is recognizing that there is a problem. I may have taken that first step last Sunday morning.

Week before last Darcy (our 10-year-old) came home from Alexis' house with a dress that her friend had outgrown. Darcy must have really liked the dress because she hung it in her closet without being asked. Darcy told me about it, but I didn't ask to see the dress.

I received another clue that Darcy really liked the dress when she was very disappointed that she didn't go to church Sunday before last. She wanted to wear her "new" dress, but our ride to church was out of town and the kids didn't get to go. Still I didn't ask to see it.

Then last Sunday morning Darcy came downstairs at 6:30, dressed for church - wearing the new dress. She was beautiful. Even more beautiful than normal. She had the same radiance that Marcy had when she got to wear a new outfit before she stopped walking. I saw in Darcy her mother's beauty, confidence, and resolve.

I realized those genes didn't come from me - and none of her jeans have come from me. I have never shopped for or bought Darcy an article of clothing. And it makes a difference.

I often quote the verse of the Bible that says we shouldn't worry about what clothes we wear - "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?" (Matthew 6:25) Mostly I quote it to myself when Marcy wants me to spend money on clothes.

But verses like that are not there to serve as law for me to judge others – even others inside my family - in how to spend money. Last Sunday I realized that verse is there as yet another lesson in how I should love and accept others.

If you know someone in need, consider giving them something to wear. By covering their body, you could help open their eyes.

Every Day Is Precious is a column to remind us to treat everyone we see today as if it could be the last time we see them. It is written by Rob Payne, whose wife, Marcy, was diagnosed with ALS (Lou Gehrig’s disease) in August of 2000. Now 41 years old, she has gone from winning 5 and 10K races to being quadriplegic and on a ventilator at home. For a collection of these columns in book form, more ways to help others, more about Marcy, or to receive email updates on her condition, visit www.EveryDayIsPrecious.com. Readers may contribute to her care by sending donations to Every Day Is Precious, 2051 Harvington Drive, Franklin, TN, 37069.

If you have helped someone without being asked, or know of someone who has, share it with others. Send to rob@everydayisprecious.com or to Every Day Is Precious, 2051 Harvington Drive, Franklin, TN. 37069.